My Parents After 62 Years of Marriage

In Praise of the Inspiring Wife

I don’t know how many times I have been inspired by my wife. I don’t think she has a plan, she just does it – like the time I arrived home one day and Deborah met me at the door. With book in hand, she began to read poems with the express purpose of inspiring me. The first poem she read was, “It Couldn’t Be Done,” and I was hooked. In fact, I republished my favorites in this book you can purchase, “It Can Be Done.”

SOMEBODY said that it couldn't be done,

But he with a chuckle replied

That "maybe it couldn't," but he would be one

Who wouldn't say so till he'd tried.

So he buckled right in with the trace of a grin

On his face. If he worried he hid it.

He started to sing as he tackled the thing

That couldn't be done, and he did it.

Somebody scoffed: "Oh, you'll never do that;

At least no one ever has done it";

But he took off his coat and he took off his hat,

And the first thing we knew he'd begun it.

With a lift of his chin and a bit of a grin,

Without any doubting or quiddit,

He started to sing as he tackled the thing

That couldn't be done, and he did it.

There are thousands to tell you it cannot be done,

There are thousands to prophesy failure;

There are thousands to point out to you one by one,

The dangers that wait to assail you.

But just buckle in with a bit of a grin,

Just take off your coat and go to it;

Just start to sing as you tackle the thing

That "cannot be done," and you'll do it..

Edgar A. Guest.

Like Killing a Dragon with a Toothpick

David was thirteen when he told me he desired to marry Monica Daming. It was a long and challenging wait. Recognizing this, one of the guests at David and Monica's wedding asked me how David handled the long years of waiting for the time he would present himself as ready for marriage. I answered that he handled himself very well relating to Monica in the three years before their courtship. David’s counsel from me (and the Lord) was never to let on that he had affection for her until he was ready to marry her and her father gave his permission to speak to her on that level.

How did he do? In my mind, his conduct was flawless. He kept a stiff upper lip and treated her like everyone else. But more than that, he treated her “like a sister” (Titus 2).

A couple of years ago, I asked him how he was doing regarding his feelings for Monica. He told me he had very strong feelings toward her. I said, “David you need to kill that feeling,” even though I knew it would be near impossible. David replied: “Its like trying to kill a dragon with a toothpick.” So the toothpick took on new significance between us. We laughed many times over this and joked about all the things he needed that were stronger than a toothpick. He was never able to kill that dragon, but at least he never let it out of the cage - until the right time.

This turned into one of the truly joyful aspects of our relationship as we tried to walk together in dealing with the greatest passion of his heart. We would often get caught laughing about the toothpick and the dragon and no one else but us knew what it really meant. All I had to say to get him to punch me or chase me around the room was to say, “Hey David, how’s that toothpick?"

Deborah and I decided that instead of telling David he had no business being interested in a godly girl, we told him he had no business trying to win her heart and flirting with her but he should be free to pray and seek the Lord on the matter.

Broke but Married

John Newton was like many who get married with very little money. He says, "The sum total of my inventory was seventy pounds in debt." I post this, not to give an excuse for poor preparation or to advocate poverty at the time of marriage, just to recognize that it happens to the best of men and that God is kind to give us companions even when we are not all put together. P103-104 From Disgrace to Amazing Grace, Crossway.

Eight Wedding Gifts from a Father to a Beloved Son

When the men gathered together to give David their counsel on his upcoming marriage, I said this:

David we have been constant companions as we have walked together here at home, all over this country and the world. I want to bless you tonight before these men with two things, eight gifts from the Lord and some wisdom from heaven at the sunrise of your marriage.

First, are these eight gifts from the Lord. The Lord has given these to me and now I give them to you. God is placing eight things in your hands. These things have been mine and now they are yours. I pass them to you. They are the Lord’s.

A Scepter – It is an emblem of authority for dominion. It is held in the hand with the mantle of leadership upon your head. “The husband is the head of the wife” - This makes you a governor, a prophet, a priest and a king. Ephesians 5:22-33

A Shepherds Staff –It is the staff of a guide. “Husbands love your wives as Christ also loved the church.” The good shepherd hands to you His staff. “Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.”

A Basket with Bread and Wine – It is the vehicle for nourishment as it contains the elements of nourishment. Like Christ, you are called to “feed the 5000,” “Can God provide a table in the wilderness?” (Ps 78) Yes, through your faithful labors for those the Lord brings to you.

A Root –It is the emblem of fruitfulness and it brings with it a world of fruitfulness. Be fruitful and multiply. The parable of the talents informs us of how we bear fruit. The emphasis is on work and multiplying what God gives you.

A Sword – This “sword” is the emblem of truth but it is no ordinary sword for it is the “Sword of the Spirit.” It is perfect, “The law of the Lord is perfect,” (Psalm 19) and it is sweet, “how sweet are your words to my taste,” (Ps 119:123)

A Heart – It is the emblem of love that fulfills the whole law. With this heart you will “Cherish” your new wife with it’s real heat that is communicated in the word for Cherish - “thalpe.”

A Cross – It is the emblem of sacrifice. The cross shows us how valuable it is to crucify the flesh and find what is worthy of boasting about – “God forbid that I should boast except in the cross of Christ.

A Baton – It is the emblem of the generations as you teach the commandments of the Lord to your children and your children’s children. Psalm 78:5-6

Second, I would like to present you with some wisdom from heaven for the sunrise of your marriage.

“Go, eat your bread with joy, And drink your wine with a merry heart; For God has already accepted your works. 8 Let your garments always be white, And let your head lack no oil. 9 Live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of your vain life which He has given you under the sun, all your days of vanity; for that is your portion in life, and in the labor which you perform under the sun. 10 Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might; for there is no work or device or knowledge or wisdom in the grave where you are going. 11 I returned and saw under the sun that-- The race is not to the swift, Nor the battle to the strong, Nor bread to the wise, Nor riches to men of understanding, Nor favor to men of skill; But time and chance happen to them all.” Ecclesiastes 9:7-11

“eat your bread with joy,” Make full use of the gifts God gives and enjoy them to the fullest. There are small happinesses and delights that can be magnified with a thankful spirit, v7

“For God has already accepted your works,” Be reconciled with God, v7

"Let your garments always be white," live simply, v8

“live joyfully”, Make yourself a happy companion,” v9 There is not just something to do but something to experience.


“do it with your might,” give your mission everything you have, v10

“The race is not to the swift, Nor the battle to the strong, Nor bread to the wise, Nor riches to men of understanding, Nor favor to men of skill,” Rest in the providence of God for all things, v11

David, you have been a good son and I am grateful for all of what the Lord gave us during your time under my roof. We now possess many precious and pleasant riches from these times. The lines have fallen in pleasant places. I love you my son.

Marriage Advice from the Married Men of Hope Baptist Church

Several men gathered to give verbal and written marriage counsel to my son David. The collected their exhortations in a notebook. Here are a few things that some of them said (I could not include a selection from all of them - too lengthy).

“Our allegiance to Jesus Christ must be completely without rival, and our duty to take up our cross and follow Him is absolute. Every other means, including marriage, is simply a servant to this great end.” Jason Dohm

“Remember that your marriage is about something greater than you and Monica – it’s about the glory of God and to shine forth the glory of the gospel.” Dan Horn

“David, if you walk in the spirit, you will not fulfill the desires of the flesh” Grandfather, Bill Brown

“God intends your marriage to be 'rooted and grounded in love' as the gardener must carefully tend to his garden in order to yield the desired crop so must the husband be the water, the soil and the careful pruner.” Jim Tsantles

“May the Lord give you strength to honor, protect and always hear the heart of your wife, with the love and gentleness that the Lord has given you, into His throne of grace, where you can be clothed in His grace during that time of need.” Ron Whitaker

“Marriage on earth is filled with some of the greatest feasts and celebrations this side of heaven, when we will experience the Great Feast at the Marriage Supper of the Lamb.’ Jonathan Sides

From a list of ten exhortations form Psalm 78 that will keep you as a shepherd. #8 “They spoke against God. They said, “Can God prepare a table in the wilderness.?” V19 – Remember that God is more than able to provide for you and your family.” Barry Daming (the Future Father in Law)

“Shamelessly follow the example of your father. Do not trust your heart. And run with endurance with your eyes unwaveringly fixed on Jesus, not Monica, the author and perfector of your faith.” Peter Bradrick

Hope Deferred Makes the Heart Sick - Marriage Week Countdown – Five Days

David and Monica will be married in five days!!! The last weeks before your wedding are particularly challenging as you increasingly hate saying goodbye each day. It is one untenable deferment after another and “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when the desire comes, it is a tree of life” and “desire accomplished is sweet to the soul,” (Proverbs 13:12,19). It is a real happiness to see these two moving closer and closer to a “tree of life,” and the ”sweetness of the soul,” and what the apostle Paul called, “the grace of life,” (1 Peter 3:7).

“The Evening When you First Gave me Your Hand”

John Newton writes about the breathless moment he had after he asked for Polly’s hand in marriage,

“I shall never forget and you doubtless will remember the evening when you first gave me your hand... how I sat stupid and speechless for some minutes and I believe a little embarrassed you by my awkwardness. My heart was so full it beat and trembled to that degree that I knew not how to get a word out… This paralyzing silence was broken by Polly who made what Newton called, "the invaluable present" to him of her hand in marriage. " From Grace to Amazing Grace, Crossway Books, p104

Tonight - Married Men Meet with Our Son to Talk about Marriage

Tonight is historic in the life of our son David who is getting married next Saturday. The married men of Hope Baptist are gathering together to meet with him and encourage him in the things of marriage. These men have prepared a page of counsel for him that he will be able to take home with him. He will receive wonderful counsel and worship will be the result. I'll give an update in a day or two.